A Not So Happy Mother’s Day

This Sunday is Mother’s Day and though it’s a wonderful day to celebrate all the beautiful moms out there, it can also be a very sad & hard day for many of us. For some it’s a reminder that they may no longer have their mom here to celebrate with and for others it can be a reminder that they are not a mother themselves.

As the week builds up to this day I am constantly reminded of the loss of my mom, but also that I am not a mother.  As time has gone on it seems to have gotten harder & harder.  I tend to want to just shut away from the world on this day because it feels like it’s just being drilled into my head that it’s “Mother’s Day.” I hear all the wonderful ideas others have planned for their moms or moms who are excited for the gifts they’ll receive. It’s hard, frustrating, and annoying at times.  When you’ve gone thru a loss of a mom or have wanted to be a mom it’s hard to deal with, especially on a day like this.  Some may not understand because they still have their mother or are mothers, but one thing to keep in mind is sensitivity to those around you. Don’t assume that this is a day that is joyful for everyone. I think we tend to assume that, because we are all women, so we must have our mother here with us or we are mothers, but that’s not the case for many of us.

I remember one year someone gave me a gift on Mother’s Day and said “Happy Mothers Day;” though this was a sweet gesture and I know they meant well, it really upset me because I didn’t understand why you’d say those words to someone when they don’t apply.  I was confused and it hurt me. It triggered a lot of emotions for me. I know some of you may think “but Tania they were just being nice” and yes I understand that, but in a very sensitive time that’s not the way to approach someone who has suffered or is feeling a loss. It can be impersonal and careless. Ask me, ask me about my mom, or ask me how I’ve been dealing with infertility. I feel like these are topics people just don’t like to bring up because they are sensitive issues and, well, we just don’t want to go there and deal with all their emotions.  Think of that person and how hard it must be for them to feel isolated and alone.

My mom passed away one month before my 19th birthday, a day that’s engraved in my mind forever, a day that changed my life indefinitely.  I look back and wonder how I even made it where I am today without her, and I know it’s only by the grace of God.  It’s been almost 14yrs now and there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of her and wish she were still with me. On Mother’s Day I don’t have the privilege of physically being with her but I visit where she was laid to rest. Lush green grass surrounds this black speckled stone where one of her last photos taken is engraved on. I talk to her but I don’t hear back, tears begin to splash against her stone as I try to remember what she was like or what she would say to me. Our time is always short and I’m left with the rest of the day wishing that I could see her again.

On the other side for me I have struggled with infertility. No one really knows what my journey has been like because it’s again a topic most people shy away from or ask about. It’s been long, confusing, stressful, and sad. Many times I feel alone and thoughts of this never being a possibility make me ache.  I picture small little feet running up the stairs with a tray they can barely hold, filled with a messy stack of pancakes and flowers freshly picked from the garden. As they desperately try to put the tray onto the bed their sweet voices screaming with excitement “Happy Mother’s Day mommy.” Instead my morning is like any other, just another Sunday that I wish I could sleep thru and wake up when it’s over.

To all the women who have lost their mother, I know how you feel and what you are going thru. Know you are not alone on this day, and there are many who are struggling just as much. One day we will see our mothers again in heaven where they are rejoicing.

For the women struggling with infertility, I know how heartbreaking it can be and again you are not alone. Keep your hope and faith in the Lord and in his perfect timing things will change.  We may not know the outcome but know he is here walking alongside & many times carrying us thru our journeys.

To all of you who have your mothers,  know the importance and value they hold in your life.  Celebrate them and spend quality time with them.  I hope this post will encourage you to enjoy each moment & not take for granted the time you have with her because life is precious and short.

And finally for all the mommy’s who have the blessing of their children to celebrate with, enjoy each waking moment with them, and though you may go thru many challenging times raising your precious children, may this day be a reminder that you have the privilege to have those moments, whether good or bad.

Love you all and Happy Mother’s Day.

XoXo,

Tania